I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
