he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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