take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
