69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
