its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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