I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
