Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
