I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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