we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
