She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
