Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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