very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
