saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize