She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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