omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
