Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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