The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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