she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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