You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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