my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
