a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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