I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
