No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
