and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
