i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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