Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize