What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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