I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize