just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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