She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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