as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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