I think im going to throw up on grandma
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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