Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
