i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
