Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
This is my gift to your gina
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
