im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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