I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
