yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
