My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
