I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Found the puke drawer
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
