Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
