Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I need to align my fucking chakras
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
