I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
