she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
