He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
