Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Come on in and take your pants off
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
