I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
