it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
