Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
