I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
