This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize