I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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