Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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