I showed him my bush... on skype.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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