we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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