you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
