He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
