So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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