Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
