How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
