The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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