hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you traded sex for a burrito?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
