he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
