So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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